Life of an insomniac

The trouble with sleep is that you have no control over it. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not a control freak (well, not much of one anyway), but as I value my sleep I like it to be of good quality. Just recently I've gone back to the insomniac nights - wandering around the place at 2am in the morning wondering if there are any biscuits I have hidden from myself and rearranging furniture. When I finally get back to bed and get to sleep I've been having really weird and vivid dreams - sometimes they are upsetting and sometimes they are scary, but they are always deeply frustrating. Last night I kept losing things in my dreams, people, letters, money, places. It was very upsetting.
I woke up this morning cross, irritable and tired, the bedclothes were all over the place and the dreams were haunting me. It was supposed to be a writing day, but after several cups of coffee, a chat with a friend and a visit to the DIY shop, I still didn't feel refreshed enough to sit down and do anything constructive.
I thought I'd edit last week's chapter - no, that wasn't happening either.
I tried putting music on - nope. I rearranged the sofas - nada. Finally I wrote down all the things I hated about trying to write, and finally something started to emerge...a new chapter....hurrah. It's a bit rough round the edges, but it is down there, all 2,000 ish words of it, a draft of chapter 4.
So, another day and another night. I'm in my pj's, I have a book, a glass of milk and a cookie (the last of the homemade ones). I'm not going to think about youngest daughter going to Glastonbury still mad with me, or the horrible weekend we had. I'm not going to think of the teaching, the money issues or the rain promised for Friday. I got a chapter done, it was a writing day - I deserve a good night's sleep.
night night
x

Sara Bailey is away

From Friday, I'm off on a much needed, well earned break. I have two wonderful friends and colleagues taking my classes over for a week while the bloke and I head for the sun in Spain.
I am up to date with the Nanowrimo word count, in case you were wondering - 8017 words to date and taking the laptop with me.
I've had a couple of glasses of wine too, mainly to celebrate eldest daughter being viva'd for the Dean's Prize. She didn't get it, but was in the top 10 Medical Students in her year, so well done babe!
Will check when I'm back and hope that I've heard from Supervisorman by then about update report - I need it to get financial support. Then I just have to find the rest of the money for my PhD and I'm laughing. Meanwhile, I'm packing a bikini, a dress and factor 25 alongside the laptop. The rest can wait.

Drag me to Hell and back

Title is partly to do with film I went to see last night, Sam Raimi's 'Drag me to Hell' and partly to do with how I feel about writing at the moment. The film first - brilliant. One of the scariest films I've seen for ages, but compelling at the same time. So that rather than not wanting to watch you cannot help but get out from behind the jumper/jacket/sleeve/armpit of person next to you and keep your eyes on the screen. Came to conclusion that most films are moralistic tales - in this case, be nice to old ladies, they are really really strong and really really scary. In a way, the modern day horror movie takes the place of religious tales or fables - maybe this is why teenagers are so attracted to them. Just a thought.
So, that's the horror film dealt with. Now for the horror of writing. It has been a bad week for me, the first chapter felt limp, the second was fine and bounced along, the third chapter got written then deleted in a fit of pique. Head got put in hands, then under the duvet. Eventually I resorted to sulking and rearranging cupboards. Not my finest hour.
How you feel about your creative work is always going to affect your mood. It is human nature. The book is like your child, you want it to be perfect and you will defend it without question, but you are also its biggest critic and will have a tendency sometimes to just see the bad bits and not the good. Which is why I am going back to the unconditional love of Novel in a Month with this particular book. I think after being hauled screaming and kicking out of the cupboard (where it was put after a bad supervisory experience - more on which another time) it deserves to run around naked for a bit, have some fun, see if it is a book or maybe movie? Who knows - I did come up with a possible movie title for it last night, 'Take Me With You'. Not sure if that's a book title as well.
So it is back to writing without thinking too much. Instead of a daily output of 1000 thoughtful words tearing out the hair and wondering why it reads as if no thought went on at all), I'm going for the 1600 daily output of Nanowrimo. The weather is good, the egg timer is primed. Time to get out of the hell of writing and back into the fun of it.
I'll let you know how it goes.